Young and Stupid
by XxStephXx
Summary: You know how I love a good break up and make up story...
1. Chapter 1

I miss him.

I really miss him.

I wish I could talk to him.

James is sitting across the room from me, literally a few feet away and I can't talk to him. I wonder if he misses me, I miss him. James and I were seeing each other, I guess you could say we were seeing each other in secret. We didn't really mean for it to be a secret it just sort of happened. We were friends, everyone knew we were friends then...I can't explain how but something changed, we started walking that little bit closer to each other during rounds, then he gave me his cloak when I was cold, I hugged him when he was fought with his friends and then I kissed him when he told me I was beautiful. Yes I kissed him, I made the first move because when James Potter looks into your eyes and tells you that you are more beautiful than any of those idiots that tell you you're not, you have to kiss him. It is impossible not to kiss him.

After that it had just sort of happened, James and I. He was perfect, I know I sound sappy but he was, he is perfect. We did homework together, we talked and laughed but my favorite thing in the world to do was just lie with him. Lying with James is the best thing in the world, at least I think so. We would lie on the sofa in front of the fire in the Head's common room, I would rest my head on his chest just below his chin and he would rub circles on my stomach with his hands, sometimes we would talk but most of the time we were comfortable enough to just be with each other. At least I was. I was content to just be with him, nothing has ever felt that perfect.

Now it's over.

* * *

_FLASHBACK_

"_Lily?" said James. They were in the middled of patrols, walking along the third floor corridor, he had his arm around Lily's shoulders, she was nestled in her favorite spot right below his chin._

"_Yeah," she said._

"_What are we doing?"_

"_We're patrolling," Lily giggled._

"_No I mean us," said James taking his arm off her shoulder and taking a step away from her. "Our...relationship I guess?"_

"_I don't understand," said Lily. "We...We're us."_

"_Come on Lily I'm serious," sighed James. "Why haven't you told anyone about us?"_

"_You haven't either," said Lily._

"_I have," said James. "I told the other marauders. Have you told your friends?"_

"_No," Lily admitted._

"_Why not?"_

"_I...I didn't want them to know," she said looking at the ground. She couldn't lie to him, she didn't want to tell her friends and everyone else about her and James, they were so perfect and there wasn't a single girl in school that didn't want James, Lily couldn't bear it if their relationship got messed up or people started to interfere and make things messy._

"_Why?"_

"_Because...why do they need to know?" said Lily. "Don't you think things are good the way they are? I know I do."_

"_I was never going to win, was I?" asked James his eyes looking impossibly sad._

"_What do mean? Win what?" said Lily her voice slightly panicky. _

"_I was never going to get you, I knew that," said James. "You're not...you're too good for me. I was never going to get you, you turned me down so many times I should have given up but in the back of my mind I though maybe."_

"_James..."_

"_You're ashamed that you gave in," said James. "It's okay, I knew this would happen. I can't be your dirty little secret anymore, I just...can't. It's not fair."_

"_James I'm not..."_

"_Remus is going to do rounds with you from now on," said James. He couldn't look at the girl he loved, if he did he would fall apart, he wouldn't be able to leave. "It's better is we're not even friends anymore. Have a nice life Lily."_

"_James no," said Lily tears welling up in her eyes but he was already half way down the corridor. "I love you."_

* * *

I hate that I have to see him all the time

I'm sure I would hate it more if I never saw him again.

But I still hate that I have to see him all the time. It hurts whenever I catch a glimpse of him which is a lot because I keep looking for him. I don't know why I do it, I think I'm hoping that if I look at him at the right second I will see the look on his face I used to see. I'm hoping that if I look at him, he will suddenly realize that I love him and I was never ashamed of what we had. It's a long shot but at least it's a shot. I wish I could talk to him, I know that I should talk to him and tell him how wrong he got everything. But if you could see the way he looks at me now, it's all I can do to stop myself from curling up into a ball and crying.

"Lily," said her best friend Alice. Lily was sitting in the common room reading.

"Yeah," said Lily.

"I have something to tell you," said Alice nervously. "But I don't want to tell you, but I have to tell you or someone else will and that will be worse. I'm so sorry."

"Okay," said Lily. "No one is hurt, are they?"

"No," said Alice. "It's uh...James?"

"Is he okay?"

"He has a date with Holly Bones tomorrow," said Alice.

Lily could actually feel her heart stop beating. The idea of her James with someone else was almost more than she could bear. She could picture him with her, holding her hand, kissing Holly the way he used to kiss her.

"I'll be back soon," said Lily numbly.

"Lily...maybe you should just get it over with and talk to him. What is the worst that could happen?"

"I don't know," Lily admitted. "But I'm scared that if I try then I'll find out."

"Okay," said Alice. "If you need me..."

"I know where you are," she said. "I'm going to take a walk."

* * *

Lily was walking down the third floor corridor late that night, she had been wandering around for hours, trying to get some perspective on the situation. She was trying to think rationally, the conversation with James had just come out of nowhere. He had never tried to talk to her about their relationship before, he had never given any indication that he thought she was ashamed of them. Now, he was dating someone else so soon. It wasn't fair!

Then she saw him at the end of the corridor, was sitting on the floor slumped against the wall.

"James," said Lily as she was surprised by how even her voice sounded.

"Lily?" said James obviously surprised to see her. "What are you doing out of bed so late?"

"I could ask you the same thing," she said. "What are you doing here? Waiting for Holly to meet you at the nearest broom closet?"

"You heard about me and Holly?"

"Yeah," said Lily. She really had no idea how she was managing to sound indifferent.

"Oh..."

"I guess I was right all along, huh James?" said Lily quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I always thought you were just after the thrill of the chase," she said. "I always thought you only liked me because I was a challenge, we weren't together very long I guess I was even more boring than I thought. Holly seems much more like your type, I don't want a guy like you. I thought I did, I really did fall in love with the man I thought you were. But you were and always will be James Potter, immature, horny little slimeball! And you blamed me. Stay the hell away from me James or I swear I will hex you into next week!"

James stayed quiet, he just hung his head. All he could do was watch Lily walk away from him.

"Come back baby," he whispered. She was too far away to hear him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I think I'm getting better. Everyone thinks I'm better, well not everyone you can't fool Alice. My friends know now what was going on between me and James, I had to tell them they thought someone had died when we broke up. It's been nearly three months since we broke up, James dated Holly Bones for two months they broke up a few weeks ago. I feel better, by that I mean I don't feel like curling up into a ball and crying for weeks on end. I can put on a good act at least.

Now I'm standing in Kings Cross station, I graduated yesterday.

I can see James out of the corner of my eye, he is looking at me again. I deliberately avoid catching his eye and walk in the opposite direction.

He doesn't follow me.

* * *

THREE MONTHS LATER

Everything is fuzzy. I can't see properly.

Rosalind and I decided to go dancing, we went to the new club in Diagon Alley.

I feel drunk, but I have only been drinking water all night. I just fell into the bar, I'm going to go outside and sit down. I don't know what is happening.

"Hey sweetness," said a smooth voice next to me. I look up and see a fuzzy face, I don't know him. I push him away. "Don't be like that Dollface, the night is only beginning."

"I-I... go..." I try to tell him to go to hell but it doesn't come out right, I almost fall over again. The stranger catches me, this guy is almost carrying me to the door and my voice isn't working. I look around trying to find Rosalind.

"Hands off her." I hear another voice, I know this voice but I can't...

"Why don't we take a little walk," yet another voice said. I know this one, this voice has annoyed the hell out of me for years, it was Sirius Black. "I'll show you what I think of lowlife who spike women's drinks."

Something moves around me, in fact the entire room is spinning. I stumble again, then I feel something solid. I hold on and it grips onto me. I rest my head, I'm really tired, I really want to sleep. But I have to get outside, I have to go home...maybe I could sleep first. I move away from the wall that is holding me and try to look for the door.

"Shhhh Lily," said a sweet voice. "Don't try to walk, it's going to be okay."

"You...you smell like James," I sighed happily. The wall does smell like James, I lean against it and cuddle in. I miss the smell of James, I miss James.

"Come on," said the voice. "You can sit down outside."

"But that...He is scary...I don't like..."

"He's not going to hurt you baby," the voice murmured. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

"James?"

"Yeah Lily it's me," said James. I can feel myself being carried towards the door. "You're safe now, I promise."

"Hmmmm...because you wouldn't hurt me?" wow my voice is sounding better now. The actual words sound a bit funny, but I think I made my point.

"No I would never hurt you," said James.

I can feel him placing me on the pavement, the coldness feels good it's unclouding my head a little. I wonder if unclouding is a word.

"Ha ha that is really funny," I slur. "Well you wouldn't hit me...I don't think...."

"I would never harm you."

"Uh huh."

"Come on I'm taking you home," said James firmly.

"No...Rosalind..."

"Remus is getting her," said James. "We can wait here for them..."

"Okay."

It didn't take long for Rosalind and Remus for come outside.

"Oh my God, what happened to her?" Rosalind demanded. "Potter, why am I not surprised to find you close by when she is in such a state?"

"I didn't do this to her," said James. "You seriously think I would spike her drink."

"No, not your style," snapped Rosalind. "Get off her!"

"You'll need help taking her home," said James. "You can't carry her home yourself. Please just let me make sure she gets home safely."

"Fine," said Rosalind grudgingly. "You carry her, I'll show you the way and then you go!"

"Okay thank you," said James then he turned to Remus. "Mate make sure Sirius hasn't killed anyone, I'll be back soon."

"Still plenty of time for you to score," I heard myself giggle.

"I'm so sorry baby," I could feel him whisper in my ear.

"I'm really tired," I mumble. I can feel my eyes closing, I need to sleep.

"You can sleep now," James whispered. I felt him scoop me up, and then we were moving. I could smell him, I loved how he smelt, I cuddled into him breathing in his smell. I miss him.

* * *

"Rosalind," said James awkwardly. He had just put Lily to bed, she was really out of it. If he could just get his hands on that low life that sneaked a potion in her drink, well it was a good thing Sirius was there.

"Get out James, you've done the good Samaritan act now you can disappear," said Rosalind harshly.

"Look I don't know what you know..."

"I know that because of you my best friend cried herself to sleep for two months, I know that you are the reason why she is still not herself. I know that you are the reason for her being miserable in our last days at school. I know that you broke her, just like we always thought you would. Well most people thought you would, I actually thought that if Lily ever did fall for you that you would calm down and make her happy."

"I...I..."

"Just get out James," said Rosalind. "I'm glad you were there tonight because I don't even want to think what could have happened if you weren't. But it doesn't fix things not by a long shot."

"I never thought I'd hurt her either, believe me I hate myself for it," said James. "Please just look after her, make sure she's alright. If anyone deserves to be happy it's Lily."

"I know that," said Rosalind. "You have to leave now."

"I'm going," said James sadly. He looked longingly at the room he had just placed Lily in, he wanted to take care of her. He needed to protect her, but he couldn't and he had nobody to blame but himself. He turned and walked out of Lily's flat.

* * *

The next morning Lily woke up feeling like death. Luckily it was her day off from work, so she took a bath and had a nap. Around mid afternoon she decided to leave the flat, there was a coffee shop across from her flat and she was hungry. She could vaguely remember James carrying her home the night before, she was trying to avoid thinking about it. The only way she could cope lately was forcing herself not to think about James at all, it was pathetic how much she was still missing him. It didn't help that the jacket she had been wearing the night before smelt faintly of him.

But she couldn't think about it. She threw her jacket in the washing and headed out.

"Can I have a large black coffee and big sticky cake of something," she said to the guy behind the counter. He placed her order in front of her. "Thanks."

"I'll get this," said a deep voice behind her.

Her heart stopped, it was James. She couldn't handle seeing him, not now. She wasn't prepared.

"No thanks I'll get it myself," she said without turning round. She threw some money on the counter grabbed her tray and sat down at a nearby table, never looking up. She didn't even look at his shoes.

"Lily," said James. He was standing over her.

"Hello James," she said politely. "I hear I have you to thank for getting me home safely last night. Thank you, it was very nice of you and I'm grateful."

"Can I sit down?" he asked.

"Why?" she said. "I have thanked you, sincerely thanked you for last night. I must have left my drink unattended, I won't let that happen again. I hope you're well and I'll see you at the Hogwarts twenty year reunion."

"Lily," he sighed. "I just want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Anything," he said. Lily hated the sadness in his voice, what right did he have to make her feel guilty? "I want to explain something to you."

"You don't have to explain anything to me."

"I was an idiot," he said sitting down across from her. She kept her eyes on her coffee. "What happened between us at school, I was an idiot. I didn't think you were ashamed of what we were doing, I'm sorry I blamed you when it was me that was the problem."

"It's not you it's me?" said Lily. "Seriously?"

"It cliche for a reason," said James. "Will you let me explain?"

"Fine," said Lily trying to sound like she wasn't bothered, but she was dying to know what she had done wrong.

"I got scared," he confessed. "I really loved you, I loved everything about you. I loved being around you, I loved watching you even when you weren't doing anything. Then I started to listen to...well that doesn't matter, but we were 18 for God's sake. You're not supposed to settle down when you're 18, everyone tells you that first love doesn't stick, first love is your first heartbreak. I guess I thought they were right, what I was feeling wasn't real it was puppy love and it had to end sooner or later. I guess I just...started thinking that you hadn't told anyone about us and I...built it up in my head and...well you know how I...I'm sorry."

"Well I appreciate you telling me that," said Lily. "I did wonder where it all came from."

"I hate that I hurt you," he said. "I never thought I would be the guy that would hurt you."

"Neither did I."

"I've missed you," he said. "And I...I've been waiting here all day because I wanted to..."

"James," Lily sighed. "It's okay, it was a long time ago. I'm glad you told me why you did what you did. But can't we just leave it at that..."

"What do..."

Lily got to her feet, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Let's just leave things the way they are now, on good terms okay?"

"No."


	3. Chapter 3

_PREVIOUSLY_

_Lily got to her feet, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Let's just leave things the way they are now, on good terms okay?"_

"_No."_

**Chapter 3**

"No?" said Lily. "You want me to still be mad at you?"

"No," said James. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "I still want you, tell me you still want me?"

"No."

"Tell me you don't want me then?"

"No," said Lily.

"I still love you," James whispered. "Tell me you still love me?"

"No."

"Tell me you don't love me?"

Silence.

"Tell me you did love me once," James whispered.

"I did," said Lily quietly.

"I never stopped loving you," said James pulling away so that he could look at her. "So I don't want to just leave things on good terms. I want you back, I can't believe I ever let you go in the first place...no I can't believe you ever wanted me to begin with."

"James..."

James stood up so that they were face to face. "I know I hurt you," he murmured. "I thought I was getting better, thought I was starting to miss you less and then I saw you..."

"You didn't hurt me James," said Lily trying to be brave. She had wished that he would stay these things to her for so long, but it had been too long she couldn't forget everything she had gone through because of him. "You broke my heart, totally and completely. I thought you were the most amazing guy in the whole world, the one guy I could always depend on. I thought you were the guy that would rather chew his own arm off than hurt me..."

"I am."

"No you're not," said Lily. "That guy was just an figment of my imagination, you're not him and you never will be."

"I was that guy," said James sadly. "I can be that guy for you again."

"Nope."

"I can be," said James insistently. "Please just give me a chance."

"I can't," Lily sighed. "Please James I just can't. I can't go through that again."

"Baby I'm so sorry," he whispered. He kissed the top of her head. "I am so sorry. I...I don't know what else to say...sorry just doesn't cover it."

"Please James, I have to go home," said Lily. Her head was starting to get fuzzy again, James was intoxicating and she couldn't resist him much longer, he always made her weak at the knees and right now she was having trouble staying on her feet.

"Tell me you don't hate me," he begged. "Please."

"I don't hate you," said Lily

"Thank you," said James.

"I have to go," said Lily.

"I won't stop you," said James. "But I'm not going away. I have tried to avoid you for months, I don't want to do that anymore."

"You shouldn't go out of your way to avoid me," said Lily.

"I won't anymore," said James. "Because I have to at least try to win you back..."

"Win me back? I am not a prize!"

"I know you're not a prize," said James. "I just...I love you and I miss you and..."

"Goodbye James," said Lily all but running for the door.

Damn him! Damn him! She was supposed to be getting over him and after five minutes in his company and she felt like she was back at school again. All she wanted to do was kiss him and tell him that everything was alright, she loved him and she had forgiven him. She wanted to fall into his arms and forget about the past few months. But she couldn't, she couldn't be that girl. She couldn't be the weak girl that let a guy treat her like dirt and then just forgives them because she loves him. She couldn't just give in to him because he decided he wasn't afraid anymore. He got scared once because he thought they were too young, they were still young and if he got scared once he could get scared again and Lily couldn't cope with losing him like that again.

* * *

"Stalking is illegal, you know that right?" said Lily the next day. She had gone to the coffee shop, across from her flat, before work and found James standing at the counter holding out a cup of coffee and a muffin.

"I am aware of that," said James as he handed her the coffee.

"Thank you," said Lily politely. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you I am going to avoid you anymore," he said. "So here I am...coincidence isn't it?"

"Coincidence my ass," Lily muttered.

"So how are you today?" James asked.

"Irritated," said Lily.

"Oh well I'm fine," said James. "Nice weather, we're having isn't it?"

"You're talking to me about the weather?"

"Yeah I guess I am."

"Give it up James," sighed Lily. "Do you really think you are going to woe me back with a cup of coffee and a nice chat about the weather?"

"At least it's a start," James shrugged. "I just like talking to you."

"Do not think you can stalk me into falling in love with you!"

"It worked before," James grinned.

"It did not!"

"Well look at the time I have to get to work," said James. "See you tomorrow, same time, same place."

"No!"

"Later love," he said as he bent down and kissed her cheek.

"Ugh you're annoying Potter."

"And you're gorgeous Evans," James called over his shoulder.

"So annoying," Lily muttered under breath. But at least she didn't have to stand in line for her morning coffee.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Morning Potter," said Evans. It had been three weeks since James had first showed up at the coffee shop, he had been there every morning since.

"Morning Lily," said James. He was sitting at their usual table with her order sitting across from him.

"Thanks," said Lily lifting her coffee. "How long are you going to keep this up?"

"Well," said James sitting his newspaper on the table. "That depends."

"On?"

"Whether it's working or not."

"It's not working," said Lily. "I can't be bought with coffee and pastry."

"Well then I have a proposition for you."

"Go on," she said.

"I will stop harassing you every morning by showing up here..."

"I like it already," Lily interrupted.

"If you have dinner with me," said James.

"Why would you want me to have dinner with you?"

"Well...I'll tell you a secret, come closer..." James whispered leaning in.

Lily leaned forward as well so that their faces were almost touching.

"I really love you...I want to go out on a proper date with you, fill you full of alcohol, take advantage of you therefore making it impossible for you to ever leave me again since my skills in the bedroom are just so impressive," he whispered.

"You really think you are that impressive?" Lily whispered back to him.

"You never complained."

"I'm a good faker."

"Just give me one more chance, I'll make sure you never have to fake anything again," he whispered.

"So if I have dinner with you, I can have breakfast in peace?"

"That depends how well the date goes."

"James..."

"I'll stop coming here every morning to see you," said James. "I promise."

"Fine," said Lily. "The things I have to do to get rid of you."

"You'll have dinner with me?"

"Yes," said Lily. "But it's not a date, there will be no funny business, no good night kiss and I'm paying."

"But I invited you."

"You have also bought me breakfast for three weeks," said Lily. "You're the one that wants to have dinner, take it or leave it."

"I'll take it," said James. "How about tonight?"

"I can't tonight, I have a real date," said Lily. She wasn't entirely sure how James would take that, when they were at school he never reacted well when she had a date with someone else.

"With who?" said James completely outraged.

"You don't know him," said Lily keeping her voice casual. "This guy from work asked me out, he's cute, funny and helpful so I said yes."

"He won't love you like I do," said James sulkily.

"Well it's only our second date," said Lily. "Give it some time and I'm sure he'll get bored of me too."

"I never got bored of you," James sighed sadly. He reached out and stroked her hair. "Why can't you understand how I feel about you? Why can't you just believe that I love you, I love you more than anything in this world?"

"I don't have any reason to believe you," said Lily closing her eyes, she didn't want to see the look on his face, she didn't want to see him hurt. "I don't have any reason to trust you anymore, I can't trust that you won't get scared again. Isn't it better to just go out and find other people than to risk getting hurt again?"

"No," said James quietly. "I have to get to work, I'm sorry...I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Fine," said Lily. She wondered how James knew when he had to go to work, maybe aurors had some kind of silent way of knowing, maybe Alastor Moody fitted them with some kind of device so that he could summon them when they were needed.

"Be careful today," said James. "I love you."

"Is everything okay?" said Lily. She knew James well enough to know that he was suddenly worried.

"I don't know," he said. "Promise me you will be on your guard today."

"I promise," she said. "Be careful, don't get yourself blown up."

"I'll do my best," said James. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, it didn't even occur to her to stop him.

* * *

Later that night Lily was on a date with Brad, the guy from work and she was miserable. She couldn't stop thinking about what had happened that morning with James, one minute he had been fine and then he was really worried. There must be an attack planned for today, it must be bad. She wished she knew how to contact him, but she didn't she didn't even know where he lived. She needed to know if he was okay, just the idea of James getting hurt in battle was enough to make her blood run cold. He couldn't die, he couldn't die not knowing how much she loved him, she would never forgive herself. He just couldn't die at all, she wouldn't know how to live in a world where James Potter didn't exist anymore.

"Lily. Lily," said Brad waving his hand in front of her face. "Are you alright?"

"Sorry I was miles away," she said apologetically.

"Is everything alright? You've been quiet all night."

"Uh...I'm sorry," said Lily. "I'm in love with my ex-boyfriend, I always have been. I'm sorry if I led you on in anyway...it's just he really hurt me, but lately he's been hanging around and...I'm sorry I know you don't need to be hearing this. I should go."

"Okay," said Brad dumbly. "I'll walk you home."

"You don't have to do that," said Lily. She threw money on the table to cover dinner.

"It's not safe out there," said Brad. "It's only a few minutes away."

"Okay thanks."

"So...this ex-boyfriend," said Brad as they walked down the almost empty street.

"What about him?"

"Is he the one?"

"Yes," said Lily. "He is."

"Well I can deal with losing my chance with you to him then," said Brad graciously.

"Thank you for being so nice," said Lily as she stopped walking. "You would have every right to be mad at me."

"To be honest I was warned that you weren't over your ex," Brad confessed.

"I'm sorry," said Lily. She reached and hugged him. "You're a great guy."

"Yeah I know," said Brad.

"Ministry official," said a stone cold voice behind them. "We are evacuating this area, deatheaters are nearby and you need to clear the area."

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5

"_Ministry official," said a stone cold voice behind them. "We are evacuating this area, deatheaters are nearby and you need to clear the area."_

**Chapter 5**

"James!" gasped Lily. He was standing right there in front of her in his dark uniform, his expression was emotionless. His eyes darted down to her, he grabbed her arm.

"Uh...okay we'll go," said Brad. "If you just..."

"No you go," said James. "Miss Evans lives close by, I will take her from here."

"No she can come back to my place until the danger passes," said Brad.

"Over your dead body," said James grimly.

"Brad it's fine," said Lily. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Okay, be careful," said Brad grudgingly then he apparated.

"What's going on?" Lily demanded.

James looked around the empty street, he pulled her into the doorway of a closed shop. He pinned her against the wall, blocking her from view of the street. He stroked the side of her face.

"Thank God you're alright," he whispered as he traced the features of her face with his index finger. "I was so scared that I wouldn't get here in time...if something had happened to you...I just..."

"James," said Lily softly. "What is going on? Are you hurt?"

"It's really bad this time," he said as he kissed her head. "Then I heard they were heading this way..."

"We have to get out of here then," said Lily tugging on his arm. "James we have to go."

James leaned down and kissed her. He pulled his arms around her waist, desperately holding onto her. Lily kissed him back, clutching onto his shirt to pull him closer to her. Then she pulled her arms around his neck. When he pulled away he rested his forehead against hers.

"Why did you do that?" Lily asked as she tried to get her breath back.

"Because I have been dying to kiss you for weeks and...if I die tonight then the last person I want to have kissed is you," said James.

"If...If you die?" said Lily feeling panic rise in her chest. "W-What do you mean? How...No..."

"I have to get you somewhere safe," said James.

"No," said Lily. "I want to stay with you...please..."

"No!" said James. "You are not staying here for...it is too dangerous. I have to protect you from this..."

"James, look at me," Lily pleaded. "I'm scared, and I can't leave you if you think you're going to die! I can help, please..."

"No don't ask me that," said James. "I will give you anything you want, just not that. You can't stay here."

"I don't want to stay here, I want to stay with you," said Lily.

"But I have to..."

"I can't leave you to die James," said Lily as tears started to fall from her eyes.

"It's my job to fight them," said James. "I have to do this. I can take care of myself."

"You have to...take care of yourself," said Lily. "Because if you die...well you just can't... because if you did I would fall apart."

"Let me take you somewhere safe?"

"Let me stay with you, please?" said Lily clinging onto his hand. "We can run away right now."

"I can't do that," said James through clenched teeth. "I can't leave innocent people to die, it is my job to stop those people."

"I know but..."

"No buts," said James. "I have to stay, I came here to get you somewhere safe."

"I'm not leaving you to die!"

"And I'm not putting you in danger," said James shaking her shoulders. He looked up and saw a dark shadow approaching. "Remus is going to take care of you. It should be safe in your building...at least that it what they are telling us, I don't have time to set up more..."

"I'm apologize for my friend Lily," said Remus who was now standing next to him.

"Why?" said Lily not taking her eyes off James.

"Because he is harassing you in the street, and I am under instruction to protect you whether you want me to or not," said Remus.

"He isn't harassing me," said Lily reaching up and stroking the side of James' face. "My building is just up the street."

"Take care of her for me," said James. "I don't want a single hair on her head harmed."

"I'll take care of her I promise," said Remus.

"I can take care of myself," said Lily huffily.

"Forgive him he's a masochistic," said Remus. "I'm sure your building will be just fine."

"If it gets too dangerous..." Lily started.

"I'll get you out of there before anyone can hurt you I promise," said James.

"I was going to say you get yourself out of there," said Lily.

"You have to get inside now," said James. "Remus..."

"I know," said Remus. "One hair on her head harmed, one dead werewolf."

"Thanks mate," said James. He stared down at Lily, he kissed the top of head and whispered to her. "I love you."

"Be careful," said Lily. "Come on Remus I'll show you the way to my place."

* * *

"I hate being stuck in here," said Lily. It had been an hour since they had left James in the street, they could hear a battle being fought a few streets away. Lily was pacing in her living room while Remus sat and looked out of the window.

"I know," said Remus. "Try doing it all the time."

"They won't let you be an Auror?" said Lily, she knew that Remus was a werewolf, she had known for almost a year.

"No they won't," he said. "I've been studying up on Defence against the Dark Arts, maybe I'll teach."

"You will be a great teacher," said Lily. "You were the best tutor at Hogwarts."

"Well it's definitely option, maybe one day they will let werewolves teach."

"Well I think you would be great," said Lily.

"Thank you," said Remus.

Lily turned to look out of the window, she could see lights from the battle over the buildings. She shuddered as she saw yet more green lights flying around, she knew what that meant someone was dead, it could be James.

"He will be alright," said Remus. "He's a good fighter."

"It just takes one second for him to lose concentration," said Lily. "Both James and Sirius could die out there. How can you be so calm?"

"I'm not calm," said Remus. "I know that there is a good chance that two of my best friends might never come back, but I have to have faith in them."

"Well I'm terrified for them," said Lily. "Why couldn't he just run away?"

"Because that's not James, you know that," said Remus. "He wouldn't be able to run away, it's just not in his nature."

"Sometimes I wish he was more of a coward," said Lily.

"Sometimes so do I," Remus confessed.

"I hate this," Lily muttered.

She just wanted to see James, she couldn't bear not knowing if he was alive. He could be lying in the street, wounded and she was just standing around doing nothing. She needed to see him, she had to tell him that she loved him. She had never actually told him that she loved him, she never got the chance when they were at school and she had never said the words to him since. He had told her a lot and she had never told him. What if now she never got the chance?

"He's been miserable without you," said Remus. "We knew as soon as the two of you got together, and as soon as you broke up. He was never the same after we left school. You should have seen him the night you had your drink spiked, we thought he was going to go back and kill that guy, not that Sirius hadn't already roughed him up a bit."

"James isn't violent," said Lily.

"I never thought so either," said Remus. "You don't know what it took to stop him."

"Do you think he knows that I love him?" Lily asked softly. "He asked me a few weeks ago if I loved him and I wouldn't answer. I've never told him, well I did tell him that I used to love him but not that I still do."

"I'm sure he does."

"Liar," said Lily sadly. "How would he know? I never told him, I spent weeks telling him to leave me alone..."

"Lily he knows you," said Remus softly. "He knows everything about you, he spent years watching you. He knows you love him."

"I hope so," said Lily then she turned suddenly. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"James," said Lily. She was sure she had just heard James' voice out in the lobby. She ran to her front door and flung it open.

"Lily!" Remus called.

Lily ran into the hallway and ran towards the stairs. She ran down the first flight of stairs and found James pinned against the wall by a familiar deatheater...

* * *

**Thanks to the reviewers of the last chapter; GreysAddict21, TheFifthCharmedOne, Grace Potter Evans, LilyXJames, Lxavier, muddy worm, XJamesBondX and my most loyal reviewer lilxjames. **

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	6. Chapter 6

_PREVIOUSLY_

_Lily ran into the hallway and ran towards the stairs. She ran down the first flight of stairs and found James pinned against the wall by a familiar deatheater..._

**Chapter 6**

"No!" Lily screamed.

"Lily get out!" James shouted as the deatheater released their hold on James' throat. "Get out of here!"

"Don't you dare hurt him Sev!" Lily shouted as she ran towards James, she shoved Snape out of the way, sending him stumbling into the opposite wall.

"Lily you shouldn't be here," said James as he stood in front of Lily shielding her from Snape's view.

"So this is why you started to run?" said Snape his voice full of revulsion.

"Imagine that he came to save a mudblood!" Lily shouted as she fought to get James out of her way.

"Stop it!" James hissed at her. Then he turned to Snape. "Just let Lily go, you can do whatever you want to me, just don't hurt her."

"I wouldn't hurt her!"

"Yeah haven't you heard James, apparently the evil deatheater loves the Mudblood," Lily shouted her voice full of loathing.

"Stop saying that word," said James as he continued to block her way. "Just let her go Snivellus this is between me and you."

"The hell it is!" Lily shouted.

"No," said Snape his voice as smooth as slime. "Why don't you back out there Potter, be the hero and save all the worthless Muggles..."

"Worthless muggles!" Lily screamed. "My parents were 'worthless Muggles' and evil scum like you killed them!"

"I won't hurt you," said Snape. "If you just try and see it from my..."

"Don't you even say it!" Lily screamed. "Just get out! Go away! I hate you!"

"I still have Potter to deal with," said Snape pulling a second wand out his pocket. "And it seems that in his hurry to 'rescue' the girl that has hated his guts for years that he dropped this."

"Don't hurt him," said Lily as she stopped struggling against James. "I love him."

Suddenly the hallway was silent.

"How could you possibly..."

"Because even on his very worst day he is a million times the man you are!"

"You can't love _Potter_," sneered Snape. "It's..."

"I do love him though," said Lily feeling strangely calm.

"But..."

"How can you be out there killing people, innocent people?" Lily asked. She spotted Remus creeping up behind Snape, she didn't want anyone to get hurt. She knew Remus would give her the chance the disarm Snape herself without hurting him, but if it came down to it she would use her wand on him to save James and Remus.

"They are not..."

"They have never done anything to you," she said. "They are just like me, I am not a pureblood I am muggle born and that who you are killing. Your buddies could kill me tomorrow."

"I wouldn't let them."

"You couldn't stop them!" she shouted. "You have to walk away from this, if Deatheaters have their way we will all be killed."

"You won't...I wouldn't let them kill you!" Snape stammered as Remus pulled out his wand. Lily looked up and saw James slowly nodding his head at Remus.

"Sev come on, you have to know that this is wrong," she said desperately. "Just walk away from it all, just stop!" By now she was starting to sound hysterical.

Snape turned his head just in time to see Remus raise his wand to stun him. Snape roared an incantation Lily didn't recognize and something shot from his wand, before he was unconscious.

"No!" Lily shouted as she threw her hands over her eyes.

"Lily," said Remus. "Lily, the Aurors are coming."

"W-Why?" she said uncovering her eyes. She noticed that James wasn't standing in front of her, he was in a heap unconscious on the floor. "No! James! James!"

"Lily listen to me," said Remus calmly. "The Aurors are going to take him away now, they do that for security. You can't visit or even know where they are taking him. Say goodbye or something because they are coming here fast!"

"James," said Lily dropping to her knees. She propped his head on her lap, she felt his pulse. He was alive. "James, James I love you. If you can hear me I love you and I need you to be okay. If you leave me I will never forgive you, okay?"

"Ma'am we have to take Potter now," said a voice.

Lily couldn't see past James to see where the voice was coming from. The next thing she knew James was being levitated into the air and Remus was holding her back. She was completely numb, she couldn't even cry. She didn't even register that Snape wasn't there anymore. Remus told her later that Snape regained consciousness and ran just before the Auror's got there. But all Lily could think about was the fact that the man she loved was unconscious and hurt and she had no way of knowing if he was alright.

* * *

**Thanks to the reviewers of the last chapter, ElvendorkLuVer, TheFifthCharmedOne, LilyXJames, EmMacca-Potter, Knight 03, vega-39, LXavier, lilxjames, potter'sanatomy, Grace Potter Evans, muddy worm, Adorkably Adorkable, uhhhhwellll and XJamesBondX.**

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It had been nearly three weeks since the Aurors had taken James away, and Lily hadn't heard anything since. James hadn't been in contact, and neither had Remus— or anyone, for that matter. Lily felt like she was just floating through her life, waiting to hear if James was all right. She felt like a ghost. She was in the coffee shop, having breakfast, that day; she was sitting at the same table James used to wait for her at. It was torture not knowing where he was or how he was.

She just needed to see him.

"Day twenty," Lily muttered to herself as she got up to go to work.

She sighed, looked around one last time, and headed for the door. Then, she gasped and stopped in the doorway. It was _James_! He was standing across the street. At first she didn't trust her own eyesight; she had thought she had seen James so many times in the past three weeks. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, he was still there.

"Are you mad at me?" said James. Lily opened her eyes again and he was right in front of her. He looked pretty uncertain, like he was afraid that she was going to start screaming at him.

She lifted her arms and flung them around his neck, hugging him.

"You're all right?" She sighed happily and she clung onto him.

"I'm better than all right," James said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

"Where have you been? Why couldn't you tell me sooner that you were alright?" She was nestling nicely the space between James' shoulder and neck.

"It's against the rules," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Immediate family are the only ones allowed to know if you're dead or alive, until you're back to full health anyway."

"You mean ex-girlfriends that were never really girlfriends that spent the past the past few months telling you to leave her the hell alone, they don't count?"

"If I could change the rules, I would," said James.

"You should at least try," Lily grumbled childishly.

"I think there may be a way around the rules, in case I get hurt again?"

"Yeah, what is it?" Lily asked. "Because I have to tell you the past three weeks have sucked. It's no fun not knowing if you're dead or alive!"

"I'm sorry," said James sincerely. "I did try to get a message to you but ... I didn't know if you would want me to."

"How badly were you hurt?" Lily asked, deliberately avoiding the subject.

"I was pretty banged up. Snape used some real old, dark magic in the curse."

"I'm sorry, I provoked him," Lily apologised. "I should have ..."

"You didn't do anything," said James. "You are probably the only reason he didn't kill me then and there."

"Did you get your wand back?"

"Yeah, he must have left it behind," said James. "I had it tested for any interference."

"Good," Lily said.

It was weird—she didn't know what to say to him, she had missed him so much, and had thought about what she would say to him when she finally saw him again. Now that he was here, though, she had nothing. So, she just cuddled into him, breathing in his smell and hoping that it wasn't the last time she would get to do it.

"I think we have to talk," said James after a few minutes of silence. "I'm going to Apparate us back to my flat, is that okay?"

Lily agreed. Her flat was just across the street but, really, she just wanted to see where James lived. At least, then, she would know where to find him.

"Hold on tight."

Lily closed her eyes, she could feel the world shift underneath her feet. She opened her eyes moments later, and she was standing in a strange kitchen. It was clearly a guy's place, there were dirty Chudley Cannons' mugs in the sink. There were posters on the wall and mismatched cutlery lying around. If Lily had to guess, she would say that Sirius was James' flatmate, not just because he was his best friend but because the room screamed of Sirius Black, cheerful chaos.

"Sorry about the mess," said James, looking around. "I should have cleaned up but ... I just came to see you when I got back."

"It's fine."

"So ..." said James, uncertainly. He rubbed her shoulders nervously. "I ... I want to ..."

"Shh, James," said Lily. "Talk later."

"Later," James repeated.

"After."

"After."

Lily stood on her tip toes and pressed her lips to James'. She pulled her arms around his neck, and tugged on his sleeve to pull him closer to her. Then she ran her index finger up his arm, across his chest and down his torso, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. Then, she broke the kiss.

"Oh, you want to ..." said James, his lips feeling a little numb. "Now?"

"Right now."

"Uh, my room is first on the right ..."

"Come on, then." She smiled, and took his hand and lead him out of the kitchen. ...

* * *

"James ..." Lily said softly half an hour later. She was lying in bed next to James, and wasn't sure if he was asleep or just quiet. "Are you awake?"

"You said you loved me," he said shifting so that he was facing her. "You told Snape you loved me, and, then, you said it again when they were taking me away."

"I did."

"Do you?"

"I always loved you," she said. "I have loved you since we were in Seventh Year."

"You never told me that."

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it the way I did. Screaming it out to a Death Eater isn't exactly the best way to say it."

"I don't care how you said it," James said, stroking the side of her face. "As long as you do."

"I do, I love you," said Lily. "I always will."

"Good."

"James I feel like we should...talk or something..."

"You didn't want to talk a little while ago," James grinned. "As I recall you dragged me in here and took advantage of me."

"I took advantage of you, oh you poor dear," Lily mocked. "I should probably just go home then so that I am not tempted to corrupt you again."

"Don't even think about it," James laughed as he pulled her by the waist back into his bed, he flung his arm around her shoulders, and they both lay back.

"What are we going to do?" she sighed.

"Lie here."

"And then?"

"That is all I have," said James. "I'm scared that if we talk about anything further in the future, that you might get up and leave and I won't be able to stop you."

"I don't want to leave," said Lily quietly. She burrowed her head into his shoulders, she didn't even want to think about leaving him, not now that he was finally back, it was too soon.

"Then don't," said James. "Please just stay."

"You said we could get round that rule...the one where I can't know where you are when you're hurt. How can we get round that? I need to know if you're dead or alive, I can't wait weeks to know," said Lily. She didn't want to talk about things, she didn't want to fight with him. She didn't want to hurt anymore, she had spent too much time hurting, she just wanted to lie next to him.

"I don't think you would be willing to do it."

"What is it?"

"If we got married then you would be able to visit if I got hurt again," said James.

"Oh..."

"Told you."

"I have never been more terrified in my life than I was when you were lying there unconscious," said Lily. "But..."

"It's fine...I never thought you would actually say yes," said James sadly. He tightened his grip on Lily, as if afraid that she would run away if he let go. "I don't know how I got you in the first place, it's stupid to think I could..."

"I do love you," said Lily. "More than I could ever love anyone else...but...we have never been together..."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean maybe we should start at the beginning, instead of getting married," said Lily.

"Okay," said James slowly.

"Hi I'm Lily Evans," said Lily holding her hand out to shake his.

"I don't normally meet women while I'm naked but hi I'm James Potter and I have to say I love that you're already in my bed."

"Oh wonderful," Lily muttered to herself.

"Come on would being married to be so awful?" James whispered in her ear.

"But if I marry you then I have to marry Sirius, Remus and Peter too."

"No just Sirius, sorry babe we're a package."

"Ugh..."

"Just think about it."

"Fine I'll think about it," said Lily exasperated.

"You're so marrying me," James grinned. "Oh I wonder who my best man will be...

* * *

**I'm so sorry this is months late but this story is finally finished. **


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